Turkey Defeats France in a Poetry Battle in the UNSC

In a rather uncommon turn of events, the delegation of France and the delegation of Turkey decided to settle their political feud via a poetry battle. However, this battle was an utterly lopsided one. First, let’s take a deeper look at the poem of the delegate of Turkey:

“Honorable chair, esteemed fellow delegates

We are delighted to see you all this fine morning.

Together, we’ll hope we can end the Kashmir moaning.

For this purpose we want to pass a resolution

Giving the situation some evolution.

Yesterday, we suggested to India and Pakistan a buffer solution.

The line of control would base as starting base

For a buffer zone free from heavy weapons space.

In this light, we drafted a text alright,

So we hope to overcome all the spite

And end this drawout fight.”

For a non-native speaker, the rhyme scheme is pretty well done. Especially the last three verses highlight quite right the delegates bright mind, rhyming light and alright with spite and fight. 

However, misspelling the word “moaning” (verse three) is quite the blunder but also makes you wonder about the choice of words, given the pretty disturbing oversexualization of the Kashmir conflict. In addition to that, it seems like the Turkish delegate enjoys making up words such as “drawout”. We can only speculate the meaning behind this peculiar word - or is he perhaps referring to the Danish engineering platform with the same name? 

Despite these faux pas and addressing only one of the two honorable chairs, overall, the poem is fairly solid and the delegate of Turkey can rightfully be happy about his work (as seen in the image). We give it a C minus. 

Having analyzed the first speech, let’s take a look at the delegation of France’s take:

“At first, there was nothing,

Then God created the universe.

This is generally seen as a mistake and left a lot of people fucthing.

This sentence is simply a nonsense verse.

However, for all his mistake, God did things with cunning.

He created the country of France, well that and the spider-verse.

We believe that the beautiful country of France is the only thing worth discussing.

Worrying about semantics like the Kashmir dispute simply makes us spend our time worse.” 

(The spelling was copied directly from the speech the delegation of France submitted to our Fox News journalist.)

While, in his speech, the delegate of France describes his country as beautiful, there is nothing beautiful about the speech itself. In fact, it’s an utter mockery of everything poetry stands for. The grammatic is flawed, the content is rubbish and the rhyme scheme is a disgrace. If rhyming nothing with fucthing (whatever that is supposed to mean…) and cunning with discussing wasn’t bad enough, he also “rhymes” universe with verse and spider-verse. In addition to that, the length of the different verses couldn’t be more off and we also recommend the delegate of France to look up the word “semantics” in the dictionary. 

However, we shouldn’t be surprised about how terrible this poem is, given that the delegate had to look up words that rhyme with “food” (see image). Unsurprisingly, we give this poem an F. 

We can only hope that the delegation of France can recover from this crushing defeat and regain their focus on the political debate.